X Ways to Get Kicked Out of Amestris
by MsMacBeth10
Summary: A twist using the FMA cast and 333 ways to get kicked out of Wal-Mart. Number of exact ways to be determined. Enjoy!
1. Ways 1 to 10

**a/n: I titled the story "X ways" because I don't know the exact number I'm going to write XD. **

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**1. Do Caramelldansen, or some other dance.**

"Excuse me, but no dancing in this public area, Mr."

"Yes, but I'm the Fullmetal Alchemist!"

"That doesn't matter. According to Rule 21, it CLEARLY states 'No dancing in public areas'!"

"I'm Edward Elric!"

"It doesn't matter whether you're famous."

Just then, Alphonse started to dance beside his brother. Followed by nearly every other citizen.

"See? Everyone's dancing!"

"It still doesn't make this a dance club..."

**2. Hit everyone with wrenches.**

Winry had the best time in her life, even breaking a world record of hitting 100,000 people with wrenches in a little less than 30 minutes, until the police arrived and she accidentally hit him.

**3. Where Ouroboros tattoos.**

"Is that a homunculus, Al?"

"But brother, I'm pretty sure there's only seven deadly sins."

"Maybe there's more."

"You could be right. Let's call the Colonel!"

**4. Ask where the bathroom is...in the bathroom.**

"Excuse me Colonel, but where's the bathroom?"

"You're _in _the bathroom, Fullmetal."

"Yes, but where IS the bathroom? ?"

"This is the bathroom!"

"Arg! But I need to know where the bathroom is!"

**5. Have an Opposite Day**

Except for Edward, who clearly loved other people telling him "You're tall!", no one else was happy (Izumi nearly killed everyone who called her an old lady) . And Ed wasn't exactly happy either when he learned the truth...

**6. Pretend to be Scar**

"I have a scar on my face!"

"Capture him!"

"Ahh! Maybe this wasn't the best idea!"

"I told you, Brother! You just wouldn't listen to me!"

"Hang on, wait a minute! Scar doesn't have an automail arm...nor leg!"

"He might have put one on him."

The streets were filled with Ed's screaming and the police chasing, while the real Scar sat watching them on the top of a building eating popcorn...

**7. Hide cats in your armor.**

Al and Ed successfully hid about thirty stray cats in Al's armor, until they were sent to see the Fuhrer. During their little conversation thousands of meowing sounds could be heard.

"Wait a moment, Alphonse."

"Yes?"

King Bradley struck his sword inside Al's armor and swished it around a bit, and a giant gush of blood came out. And that was how the Fuhrer was sent to jail for animal cruelty.

"You'll pay for this, Alphonse!"

"..."

**8. Speak in different languages to your superior officer.**

"Bonjour, Colonel! Comment ça va?"

"I have no idea what you're saying, Fullmetal."

"Kon'nichiwa!"

"Kon'nichi-what? Speak English, Hagane no, will you?"

"You just said Japanese yourself!"

"Um, brother? I don't think a language called 'Japanese' exists."

"Shut up, Al. I'm making stuff up! Aren't I clever?"

"Nihao!"

"Now _that's_ Xingnese!"

"I don't know Xingnese either, Fullmetal! And when did you learn that?"

"Yes, well...Ling taught me!"

"Oh, please!"

"Aloha!"

"Would you stop that already! ? Arg!"

**9. Hold a nationwide foot race.**

Grumman ended up winning the race using abaci as roller blades. Al got a close second, with May Chang being third for chasing him all the way, and Xiao Mei tied with her for riding on her shoulder (which normally would be considered cheating). The Armstrong siblings tied for fourth, with Major Armstrong commenting that "running skills has been passed down through the Armstrong family for generations", while Olivier complained that her family heirloom sword got dirty during the race. Sloth nearly won, except he got tired halfway and ended up taking a nap instead, stating that running was too much work, and after dashing in straight lines for half an hour, he banged his head a hundred times and ended up dying a few times too. Envy was mistaken for multiple people. Lust decided to be kind and helped Havoc's wheelchair. Gluttony ate everyone in his path, including Father Cornello, who ran halfway across Amestris with close to the speed of light for being nearly eaten for dinner, but Gluttony won his part and got a tasty snack, with disapproval from Lust. Mustang and Riza ended up having a polite conversation instead, and Mustang nearly got shot for saying things better left to be unspoken. Ed collasped halfway through, and ended up being beaten by Winry's wrenches for getting his automail leg broken.

**10. Have a take-your-child-to-work day.**

Hohenheim dragged Ed and Al all the way around Amestris while he worked on his way to defeat Father. Riza finally learned that Grumman is her grandfather, while all the homunculi ended up in Father's underground home for the remainder of the day. Everyone was stunned when instead of showing pictures of Elicia, Hughes in fact brought his daughter...and his wife...with him, and Mustang got even more annoyed after that. Ling Yao and May Chang were forced back to Xing to be with the emperor. Winry was even more happy for working on automail with Pinako. (I think you can imagine the fuss Hughes made...)

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A/n: that's the first chapter! If anyone can guess where I got the Grumman-winning-the-race-using-abaci idea from, I'll give you a virtual cookie! :D

The idea of the story is from iTorchic.


	2. Ways 11 to 20

**a/n: I titled the story "X ways" because I don't know the exact number I'm going to write XD. **

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**11. Perform Human Transmutation.**

The Truth got about 500 new arms in one day, 50 legs, and 20 more internal organs. About 1000 people became State Alchemists in order to get their bodies back.

**12. Dig a hole.**

Izumi made a tunnel with alchemy while Al had to do it by hand. Sloth beat them both by making the longest circular tunnel ever.

**13**. **Watch a horror movie.**

"Um...Ed?" Winry stammered.

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Do you mind me sleeping in your room for the night?"

"What! ?" Ed yelled.

"I'm scared!" Winry whimpered, staring at him, "I won't hit you with wrenches, I promise!"

And that was the beginning of their new relationship.

**14. Make friendship bracelets.**

"That one's mine!" Elicia whined.

"I want one too! But they won't fit on me!" Al cried.

"What about me?" Mustang asked.

"No one's giving one to you, you bastard Colonel!" Ed hollered.

"Here you go, Roy!" Said Hughes, handing his best friend a bracelet adorned with pictures of his daughter.

"Hughes, what is the meaning of this?" Mustang roared. All the bracelets ended up burnt.

**15. Get revenge.**

One evening, Fuhrer King Bradley was walking home when he heard hissing noises. Seconds later, thousands of cats leapt onto him and scratched him. The next morning, he woke up in the hospital with claw marks all over the place while Al danced around the room for no apparent reason. To be continued...

**16. Read from The Book of the Dead.**

"No harm ever came from reading a book," Winry argued as she picked it up.

"Yeah, whatever," Ed grumbled as she began to read.

Suddenly...out of nowhere, a young boy appeared. "Hi! My name is Pride!" He announced.

Followed by a man who looked a lot like a palm tree, a woman with curly hair, a man named Greed, The Fuhrer himself, a fat guy who wanted to eat people, and a large man who dug holes. That was how the Homunculi came to be.

**17. Procrastinate.**

"This is the Mustang Window Cleaning Company! How may I help you?" Mustang asked.

"Sir! Not on the military line!" Riza moaned. "And what about those papers that you have to sign?"

"Those can wait!"

...3 hours later...

"Arg, I don't have time to sign all these papers!" Mustang yelled while scribbling messy signatures down furiously.

**18. Stay up late, then sleep in the next morning.**

"Did I just get kicked out of office?" Demanded King Bradley furiously.

"You did not come to work on time," Mustang answered smugly. "So I'm afraid so."

"I stayed up late doing office work!" Argued the Fuhrer.

"You stayed up late playing poker!" Riza said, "I was forced to watch you play!"

**19. Go to a casino.**

Ed probably lost the most money, but he probably won the most using all his State Alchemist earnings. Then again, he was sent to jail for going under-age.

**20. Go swimming.**

"Brother! I can't swim!" Al complained, "The water will destroy my blood seal! It's all your fault!"

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A/n: the book of the dead idea came from the movie The Mummy XD. thanks for your reviews! I haven't forgotten this story, don't worry! I just had trouble coming up with ideas...


	3. Ways 21 to 30

**a/n: I titled the story "X ways" because I don't know the exact number I'm going to write XD.**

**THIS IS BASED ON THE MANGA/BROTHERHOOD VERSION. NOT THE FIRST ANIME, WHICH WAS TERRIBLE, i might add. that's why it's in the "manga" section. **sloth is a girl? in the first version she was, but NOT the manga. AND Pride is Selim, Wrath is King Bradley. maybe if you're confused you should read the manga before reading this. I'M NOT THE ONE who's confused.

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**21. Dress up in animal costumes.**

Fuhrer King Bradley was paranoid when he noticed a giant cat stalking him one day as he headed home from office. Strangely, the cat, in fact, was meowing. Not only meowing, but it sounded like metal clinking. Little did he know that it was actually Alphonse dressed in a cat costume, while hiding more cats inside his armor. Meanwhile, Ed had no idea where Al is... tbc again.

**22. Go camping.**

Mustang ended up burning all the trees in the forest rather than using them for firewood, after Ed pushed him into the nearby river. Ed learned to never piss the Colonel, especially when they were camping...

**24. Have a wrestling match.**

There was no doubt that Alex Louis Armstrong was going to win...that is, until Olivier showed up.

**25. Play Marco Polo. **

Dr. Marcoh was extremely pissed off at the end of the game, thinking they were calling him every time. It was especially not fair since Ling, Lan Fan, Fu, and May could sense where everyone was, and ended up tagging someone in less than one second.

**26. Tell ghost stories.**

No one wanted to walk by the warehouses after the story of Warehouse 13 (a/n: this is mostly manga based, but sometimes I feel like putting a little of the 1st series stuff in here too.)

**27. Go to a concert.**

"Why a concert?" Ed complained as Winry and Al dragged him towards their seats.

"This will be fun!" Winry replied, wondering what Ed was worried about.

Well, they learned why he was worried at the end, when Ed transmuted just about everything while clapping.

**28. ****Sing in the rain.**

"Colonel, I had no idea you sang so well!" Riza commented. What did the Colonel sing? Let's hear it, shall we...?

-"I AM USELESS IN THE RAIN! IT'S SO NOT FAIR!"

**29. Speak sarcasm. **

"Wow, it's such a bright sunny day today, isn't it, my awesome Colonel?" Ed smirked, popping into Mustang's office. Translation: _Isn't it such a dark, gloomy, rainy day, bastard Colonel?_

**30. Draw pictures.**

Hughes drew more pictures of Elicia than he could count. Winry drew wrenches and automail, and Mustang drew...flames?

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A/n: thanks for your reviews!


	4. Ways 31 to 40

**a/n: I titled the story "X ways" because I don't know the exact number I'm going to write XD.**

**THIS IS BASED ON THE MANGA/BROTHERHOOD VERSION. NOT THE FIRST ANIME, WHICH WAS TERRIBLE, i might add. that's why it's in the "manga" section. **sloth is a girl? in the first version she was, but NOT the manga. AND Pride is Selim, Wrath is King Bradley. maybe if you're confused you should read the manga before reading this. I'M NOT THE ONE who's confused.

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**31. Play hide and seek.**

Ed couldn't find Al no matter where he searched. Until he noticed a giant cat stalking him. King Bradley promoted Ed all the way to Brigadier General, even though he was not in the actual military, just for getting rid of the giant cat. tbc...

**32. Go to an international restaurant.**

"I want Chinese food!" Ling roared to the waitress.

"What's Chinese food?" She asked, perplexed.

"Young master...don't you mean Xingnese food?" Lan Fan prompted.

"Oh, right. Sorry...I want Xingnese food!"

"Pasta!" Ed piped up.

"What in the world is that?" The waitress wanted to know.

**33. Have a giant group chat.**

metalxxxa: Hi everybody!

redcoatfma: Who's metalxxxa?

automailrulez: your brother, idiot!

flamesz: fullmetal?

gunhawk: what is this chat thing?

redcoatfma: um...

kinghomunculus: I order you all to leave!

imhungry: food! ! ! ! *pounces on computer*

lusty: Gluttony, don't eat the computer!

redcoatfma: did you really have to tell everyone that?

lusty: ...

**34. Take advantage of free things.**

"I would like a bowl of soup!" Ling said to Rose as she passed them out.

"Of course," She replied, scooping him a bowl.

-10 minutes later-

I would like some soup!" Ling declared to her.

"Uh...didn't you just get a bowl?"

"No! That was my twin brother, Ping! I'm Ling!"

-Another 10 minutes later-

"You have two brothers?" Rose asked him, narrowing her eyes.

"Yup! I'm Ding! The triplet."

"That is the oddest name ever. No offense."

"This soup is awesome!"

**35. Hack someone's computer.**

When Ed hacked the Homunculi's computers, they all became distorted and scary. Screaming, Ed ran for his life... (a/n: that is, if computers existed. I got this idea from Angel Beats!)

**36. Force a certain person to drink milk.**

"Um...Al? Is that a giant milk bottle that's chasing me, or is it just my imagination?"

"It's not your imagination, Brother! It's Envy in disguise!" Al told him.

"Should we run?"

"Unless you want to drink milk!" The milk bottle laughed. "Muahahaha!"

"Ahhhhh!" Ed turned and ran, while Al jumped up and down while singing,

"Free milk! Yay! I love milk!"

**37. Hide all the wrenches.**

"My wrenches have gone missing!" Winry wailed loudly to Mustang. "Now what am I supposed to do?"

"That's not my problem, now, is it?"

"It is! When I find out who did it, I'll...kill them!"

**38. Cosplay.**

"Who are you supposed to be, Winry?"

"See? I'm Shana! Except she has red, and black hair. So I just stuck with yellow!"

"Well, besides being yellow colored hair, the Major General sort of looks like Sango, only with hair over one eye."

"And is that a problem! ?"

**39. Go to an anime convention.**

"Why do these people look like me? And that guy even sounds like me! Sort of."

"That girl looks like me too, Ed!" Winry gasped, pointing.

"Let's get out of here!"

**40. Bomb HQ.**

(idea from Sonar).

10

9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

BOOM!

"Aaaaaaaahhh!"

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A/n: thanks for your reviews!


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